For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.
I've been tired. Really tired. Almost too tired to think.
Now, that's played out in our home with our kids who ask about 1001 questions every hour, but it's also played out in my faith.
For example, I've been exploring Catholicism for about 2 years now. Maybe longer. It's been an interesting journey, the hardest part of which has been the constant perspective shifts. Growing up in a staunchly Protestant family, I naturally have held, up until the last couple years, staunchly Protestant beliefs. So, to think Catholic thoughts is taxing. To think that those Catholic thoughts might possibly be correct is absolutely exhausting.
Earlier this week, I was hanging out in an Adoration Chapel at St. Francis parish right by my work. In the course of the time I was there, I found myself trying to come to terms with the Catholic concept of the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist. When my brain basically shut down at that point and said, "sorry, we're done here," I pretty much threw up my hands.
I was just too tired to think this stuff through anymore. Too tired to keep slogging uphill to overcome my previous beliefs and entertain thoughts of this new and ancient faith. I'd try to think about it, try to come to terms with what I believe, and my little brain would just shut down. No more juice.
To be honest, the whole experience made me angry. Faith shouldn't be this hard. I'm doing the best I can--I'm struggling to know the Lord better. I'm not sweating blood, but I'm sweating.
Well, I was sitting there, getting all angry and bent out of shape--you know, railing at God a little bit for making things so complicated--and then the verse above hit me: "and that (faith) not of yourselves: it is the gift of God."
Suddenly, things made sense: I've been struggling to grow my faith. I've been digging in and trying to do the lifting myself. But that's not how it works. Faith isn't something I pull off. It's a gift.
God is watching me struggle around on my own--watching my frustration and my exhaustion--and He's likely thinking: ask me, stupid. I'm waiting to help.
That all went through my head in a split second and I sat there for a few minutes longer before asking God to increase my faith. And suddenly, the load was lifted. It wasn't up to me anymore to shoulder the weight. It was only up to me to be ready and willing. God's here and he's looking for work.
Now, that's played out in our home with our kids who ask about 1001 questions every hour, but it's also played out in my faith.
For example, I've been exploring Catholicism for about 2 years now. Maybe longer. It's been an interesting journey, the hardest part of which has been the constant perspective shifts. Growing up in a staunchly Protestant family, I naturally have held, up until the last couple years, staunchly Protestant beliefs. So, to think Catholic thoughts is taxing. To think that those Catholic thoughts might possibly be correct is absolutely exhausting.
Earlier this week, I was hanging out in an Adoration Chapel at St. Francis parish right by my work. In the course of the time I was there, I found myself trying to come to terms with the Catholic concept of the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist. When my brain basically shut down at that point and said, "sorry, we're done here," I pretty much threw up my hands.
I was just too tired to think this stuff through anymore. Too tired to keep slogging uphill to overcome my previous beliefs and entertain thoughts of this new and ancient faith. I'd try to think about it, try to come to terms with what I believe, and my little brain would just shut down. No more juice.
To be honest, the whole experience made me angry. Faith shouldn't be this hard. I'm doing the best I can--I'm struggling to know the Lord better. I'm not sweating blood, but I'm sweating.
Well, I was sitting there, getting all angry and bent out of shape--you know, railing at God a little bit for making things so complicated--and then the verse above hit me: "and that (faith) not of yourselves: it is the gift of God."
Suddenly, things made sense: I've been struggling to grow my faith. I've been digging in and trying to do the lifting myself. But that's not how it works. Faith isn't something I pull off. It's a gift.
God is watching me struggle around on my own--watching my frustration and my exhaustion--and He's likely thinking: ask me, stupid. I'm waiting to help.
That all went through my head in a split second and I sat there for a few minutes longer before asking God to increase my faith. And suddenly, the load was lifted. It wasn't up to me anymore to shoulder the weight. It was only up to me to be ready and willing. God's here and he's looking for work.
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